Let’s input some psychology, behavior and mind and how to tackle the kids in some aspects of their behavior.
In a family get together, Steve and Sheila were playing and building blocks, Suddenly, Sheila knocked over Steve blocks; He started crying and upset with Sheila. Witnessing this scene, Sheila’s father rebuked her and he asked her to apologize with Steve. Sheila expressed “I am sorry” Then her Dad took her aside and asked, Do you know why you knocked his blocks? She replied that Steve’s blocks were more beautiful and taller than mine, I was mad with Steve. Dad told her this was no excuse for destroying his blocks and he sent her to play back with her.
The father’s reaction was similar to many psychologically parents; He wanted her to understand and identify her mistake and expressed her feelings to him. That’s ok but that’s not enough, but is he really understand why she acted like that, Saying “Sorry” is pretty easy for a child but is she really understood what mistake she did? Forcing the child to ask Sorry will not alone solve the problem here. As a parent, we need to help her to think in a stronger and in affectionate way. The same situation as a father, he could have handled in a different way, he could have gave her chocolate and asked her to give him a chocolate and then asked him “Sorry”. In this way Steve anger thought started to free from him and he would have started thinking about her love, affection and chocolate, then Shiela dad’s would have told her to play together with Steve to build a new one, better one and much taller than previous, In this way, now steve is happy that he got a new friend, chocolate and partner to play with someone and same time you are allowing Shiela to have teamwork and she is learning new things from Steve. Just forcing them to ask “Sorry” would not be enough in this situation and will make more anger with Steve.
As a parent, you need to remember, the kid’s brain are developing NOT DEVELOPED.
The cerebrum fills up most of your skull. It is involved in remembering, problem-solving, thinking, and feeling. It also controls movement.
The second part cerebellum sits at the back of your head, under the cerebrum. It controls coordination and balance. The third brain stem sits beneath your cerebrum in front of your cerebellum. It connects the brain to the spinal cord and controls automatic functions such as breathing, digestion, heart rate and blood pressure.
If you understand these parts correctly, then you can easily understand the kid’s mood and try to bring some idea to invoke other parts of kid’s brain when they are anger, mood off or upset. There is few situation where kids may get upset.. ie HALT— Hunger, Anger, Lonely and Tired. If you regularly connect with them and understand their pattern, behavior then you can easily understand why they are mood-off or upset and you can definitely handle well.
Let’s take another situation, Now schools are started, The very first day, Dad dropped older kid (assume age 10) at her school and Mother dropped younger kid(Assume age 6) at her school since it is on their way to work respectively, Little one’s school is on the way to Mom’s office and her older sister’s on the way to dad’s office. On the second day, Parents and kids are started and while closing the door, Younger kid started crying that she wants a turn with her Dad, since Dad has dropped her sister yesterday and now is her turn to go with her Dad. Mom is trying to explain her younger kid saying, it is not possible today since both offices were in different direction and it is very convenient for me to drop you at school rather your dad doing it, but little one was not understanding and she is yelling, rolling and crying that dad has to drop her..
How to tackle this situation?
As a normal parent, we would have explained her telling all the possible logics, about the distance, time, office work, meeting, getting late for her sister, traffic etc.. Do you think that 6-year-old kid can understand all these logics? You need to remember kids brain is developing NOT DEVELOPED. Whatever you say about the logics, the 6-year-old kid can’t understand the logics behind about this. All she is looking her “Dad” to drop her at school, Ok now let’s take the situation as a parent, we would be strict, put the child in a car and shut the door and just drove and drop her. Now do you think, will she be happy at school whole day? Do you think her brain is thinking actively whole day? The answer is “No” Since all her thoughts for a whole day would have that her Dad didn’t drop her and Sister got the turn twice with Dad.
Here there are few problems what these parents would have done it wisely:
First thing, If parents spent enough time yesterday with the kid, this issue would have brought by little one yesterday itself and they would have explained her or at least planned up front to drop her.. What is the problem here? Connection and spending time with her were missing.
There are different ways to handle it here:
1. Parents would have spent enough time with her in the past or at least in this situation a day before, so she had a chance to express her feelings.
2. Dad would have called his office and asked them to get some permission to arrive little late to work and then drop her at least today and then later he would have explained to her when she is in good mood.
3. Dad would have told and promised her that he will come in the evening to pick her up from school.
4. Dad would have put video conferencing(Skype/Facetime) while mom is driving her to school and spoke, told her some good stories, the atleast kid would have watching Dad’s face and listening, thinking that Dad is near to her.
5. Some other good way….
To do all the above things, First, we need to have patience to wait and accept kids mind, Second, we need to spend enough time with kids to understand their needs, Third is a connection. Connect well with them. When you connect, you will come to know many hidden things about them.