Most parents struggle with finding the right balance when it comes to praise the kids. How much is too much or too little? is quantity or quality ? Now a days parents praise too much for do well in school, win a game or build lego or sand castle. It is good to praise something remarkable but in many cases they do it anything that is just plain simple thing. We are becoming praise junkies and gone to extreme. Few decades ago when parents tended to be more strict, but now we overpraise our children. Most parents think when praising their children, they are building confidence, self-esteem but in fact it may be just other way. By doing lot of praise will hinder their growth according Paul Donahue P.hd. Too much praise make backfire and make kids afraid to try new things or take a risk for fear of failing and being able to stay on top where their parents praised them in the past.
“There is something about praising your child constantly that is belittling,” Berman says.
Same time going in other direction without giving praise can damage their feelings and they feel they are not good enough to accomplish nothing.
Give praise at the right moment and right accomplish is very important than the quantity. Praise should be there for genuine, true and honest for their effort. Some times end result may not happen as we expected based on their effort applied but still we need to appreciate and praise for their effort irrespective of their results. If your son or daughter regularly working hard to do her home work or playing very hard to win the game and after putting all these efforts even he didn’t win or loses, We need to appreciate and praise them because it is the process and he/she really worked hard to get it there. We need to remember it is the process regardless of the outcome. You don’t need to overdo when he/she jumps from the backyard or doing some simple things without putting consistent effort to get there.
If your child does make the effort every day with consistency to achieve the things, appropriate praise and appreciate is needed. Be specific, be genuine, encourage new activities. But don’t over do like saying often you are so smart, pretty, gifted but many parents are of course may not agree but if you are constantly praise will make them empty and have little meaning. So praise when you really mean it. Watch and focus on their process before you praise them.
A stack of studies linked regular family dinners lowers bad behavior for teenagers like: smoking, binge drinking, marijuana use, violence, school problems, eating disorders and sexual activity. In one of the study with more than 5,000 Minnesota teens, the researchers concluded that regular family dinners reduced percentage of depression and suicidal thoughts for kids. In a very recent study, kids who had been victims of cyberbullying bounced back to normal life when they had regular family dinners. Family dinners have been found to be a more powerful deterrent against high-risk teen behaviors. Regular family dinners will help to cultivate more love and compassion with in the family members. Enjoy the dinner and good night.
Be fearless and pure; never waver in your determination or your dedication to the spiritual life. Give freely. Be self-controlled, sincere, truthful, loving, and full of the desire to serve…Learn to be detached and to take joy in renunciation. Do not get angry or harm any living creature, but be compassionate and gentle; show good will to all. Cultivate vigor, patience, will, purity; avoid malice and pride. Then, you will achieve your destiny.
Be your child’s role model. A dad teach their kids about life by showing their skills, honest, humility and responsibilities. Begin important and difficult conversations when they are young, so difficulties and challenges become familiar and easier when they get older. Take time for listening your child’s thought and ideas. Teach your children right and wrong things and how to make a good choice between good and bad. Provide positive guidance, teach discipline and set reasonable limits. A Girl who spends time with a loving dad grows up and she will know that she deserves to be treated with respect by boys and partner. Be a friend, teacher and good father.
The other thing i forgot to mention about mantra, the mantra make you awake and not to fall in sleep during meditation which helps us internally to go more deeper and align with self consciousness. One thing many of us get confused with advance concepts and fundamentals, we are trying to go learn very advance concepts without understanding basic and fundamentals of vedanta, that is another place where we all conflicts between concepts. Other hand, every mantra is just a sound, but each and every sound has their own vibrations to awake kundalini points and bring several positive changes in our body mind and soul which also helps us to move our kundalini levels. just my two cents thought to share with you all.
Respond Instead of Reaction:
Situation: If you two boys/girls don’t stop fighting, I am going to turn the car back to home or Screaming back to them.
Positive approach: I am pulling over the car. When the car is quiet, I will continue my driving.
Another ‘C’, what’s going on with you?
Positive Approach: It looks like you are struggling in math, how can we work together to improve your score.
Respond is entirely different than reaction.
Reaction means you’re emotionally threatening the child with some type of aggressive reply but responding means to express your feelings without any criticism nor Charging them back. This will give your kids to think about the problem again and will allow them to discover the remedy for the problem.
So next time, Respond instead of showing aggressive reaction.